Cover Your Mouth

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I always hate this time of year because the sun is up way longer than it needs to be, its like 90 degrees out, but then it's also fall. I just got over a summer cold, but I'm almost certain more sickness soon come. So I'm going to share some of my tips on how to nurse yourself back to health. 


Stay your ass home. Most companies allow you to take off because your sick. And while you think coming in while you're a petrie dish of gross shows your amazing work ethic, it actually makes you look selfish. You clearly don't give a damn whether you spread your germs all over the workplace. This can be confusing because you may not feel completely incapable, but you are. You look dead, you smell dead, and you'll have a terrible attitude because your arch nemesis is gonna try you. Go somewhere and sit. You are doing too much.


Assess your symptoms. At the beginning of this cold, I thought I had hay fever, but it was actually a head cold. So I took the wrong medication and had to suffer for another 8 hours, until it was okay to take something else. Also, don't be like me and take  your medication when you start feeling ill. If I had a dollar for every time that I waited until Death was upon me to take a pill, I'd be a wealthy woman. Over the counter medicine is fine, but if you aren't feeling better after 4 days,  you should probably see a doctor....but I'm not a doctor. 


My favorite sick drink is orange juice. PRO TIP: Chase each glass of orange juice with a glass of water. All the acid in OJ will irritate your gums. Which feels and looks gross. If you're going to be in bed anway, you might as well be lit. That's where a Hot Thotty comes in. Not only is it delicious, it helps sooth you, it'll keep you lucid so you don't suffer nearly as much. I should probably strongly suggest you don't take NyQuil and a hot thotty together, as it can probably kill you. I'm also a fan of Organic Cold 911 from David's Tea with a splash of bourbon, if I'm feeling lazy.


Two years ago, I purchased an essential oil diffuser. I rarely use it, but congested times call for desperate measures. I use a kind of funky oil blend to help aid my congestion. The best part about it having a weird smell is that I'm usually too congested to smell it. An alternative to an oil diffuser is putting a heaping helping of vap-o-rub in a wax warmer, for the same effects.


Chicken soup. Duh


First of all, if you take a sick day, and you don't watch The Price is Right, it's not even a real sick day. Fatigue and sleep paralysis will beset you, so don't even think about using your brain. Any work that needs to be done can wait, because whatever you come up with is going to be straight trash or your Magnum Opus. Surely there's an SVU marathon ready to haunt you in the space between dreams.

Those are my tips for a speedy recovery. Do you have any special home remedies for when you get sick? Drop it in the comments below.