Thanksgiving is less than a week away, and we're officially headed into a month long marathon of quality family time. Which isn't the absolute worst thing, but it's definitely a struggle. As a twentysomething dealing with family during the holiday is increasingly unsexy. I'm already stressed out because of reasons. I might even be hungover. So, don't push me.
What's with the barrage of questions? I reluctantly accepted your Facebook friend request so you can find out the answers to these questions in real time. And I kept you as a friend even though you leave uncool comments under my thirst trap selfies, and tag me in clickbait. But we are family, and I tolerate it because I love you. As a matter of fact, I think most of my calorie intake during the holidays comes from me stuffing my face to avoid these questions. Please, don't bring up my dating life. I'm not seeing anyone, because Fuckboys are more abundant than hydrogen, and I'm chubby, and Michael B Jordan won't let me love him, and SVU marathons are very important to me. I'm not looking to date someone you know, who I "would just love". Wait three more years, when I'm 30, and then I'll consider it. Also, let's not talk about my career path. I'm doing okay, but if you know of a part time gig, that pays like $90k an hour, let me know, so I can forward you my resume.