I've Checked in to Hotel Cortez

[ may contain spoilers, but that's not my fault. stop streaming, and get cable ]

YALL! I've been waiting for Wednesday night's premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel since the last season ended. When Freak Show ended, I was disappointed. I didn't think I would enjoy Hotel at all, but the first episode is enough to make me forget that Freak Show (and that one time that I watched Scream Queens) ever happened. As an anthology series, you'd be better off skipping Freak Show, and heading face first into season 5, Hotel. Ryan Murphy taught us all a lesson that night. We hated the PG-ness of Freak Show, so now he's messing our whole lives up, and I'm so here for it. 

To set the scene, Hotel Cortez, is in Santa Monica, and the people who stay there die. Lowkey, they deserve it. If you're going to stay in a hotel where you didn't check Yelp reviews, then you don't really have the right to complain when things go awry. I have a hard time going to restaurants where I can't view the menu online, so this whole hotel thing would've been a hard pass from me. Then when people check in, Iris (played by Kathy Bates), is all like there's no cell signal or wi-fi here. WHAT?!?!?!? Check out is at nope o'clock. That's unreal.  

But I think the most stellar performance of the evening belonged to Mother Monster. Lady Gaga has been MIA from the mainstream spotlight for quite some time, but now I've seen the fruits of her labor, and I'm impressed. First of all, her entire wardrobe was stunning. The lace! The sequins! The bleached brows! I loved every second of it. Then it got weird. So The Countess, and her boo go strolling, and pick up a couple at a park where there's a select few weirdos watching Nosferatu at a park. Great. They get back to the hotel, and get naked. Wonderful. It gets all skinemax. Perfect. Then people die.

Despite the weirdness of the whole thing, it was actually very romantic. Like Morticia and Gomez, directed by Baz Luhrmann and Quentin Tarantino. Now all I need is for The Countess to be wearing the Alien shoe at any point in this show, and I might could join the Lady Gaga fandom...whatever it's called.

As usual, I'll be tuning in every Wednesday, live tweeting the whole thing. Tune in, and follow me, as I document my stay at Hotel Cortez.